Robinson Cano.  The Seattle Mariners.

The former an elite superstar looking for a mega deal.  The latter a franchise desperate to land an elite superstar, and willing to dish out the necessary cash to do it.

A match made in free agency heaven, or simply wishful thinking by the Mariners?

As the trade rumors continue to swirl at tsunami speed regarding a possible Cano signing by the Mariners – the latest being a possible 9 year, 225M offer – reactions to this unlikely marriage have resulted in the type of mocking, jeering and disapproval last seen in 1990 when Rosanne Barr butchered the national anthem at Jack Murphy Stadium .

For example, there was this from Keith Olbermann:

The Yankees, who put out signals tonight that they are still in the market for Cano, want that market for him to deflate, so their 7 year, sub 200M deal suddenly looks wonderful to him…and there’s nothing that can make that happen faster than making it look to Cano like the only place he can go is Washington State.

Not just the Mariners, but Washington State?  Ouch.

Then there was this from Ken Rosenthal:

I’ll come right out and say it: If Cano signs with the Mariners, it will be the dumbest move by a free agent since Rodriguez signed with the Rangers after the 2000 season.

Dumbest move since Arod?  Double ouch.

But my favorite was this little nugget from Dave Cameron at USS Mariner:

Mariners, I get why you like Robinson Cano. I get why he’s pretending to like you back. Don’t fall for it, though. Don’t be the nerd doing the pretty girl’s homework in hopes that she’s going to realize that the jocks are stupid and you’re the one for her. You’re just going to end up in the friend zone. Go find someone who is actually into you for you, and not someone who wants to use you for your money.

End up in the friend zone?

Look, here’s the thing.  Yes, as Cameron points out, the Mariners are “nerds.”  But what Cameron fails to understand is that the Mariners have been in the “friend zone” for years when it comes to trying to win the affection of top free agents.

You know, Seattle, the city that has enough qualities to make it a nice place to visit – i.e. a nice stadium, pretty scenery, abundant coffee, good bars and restaurants – but just not enough of that certain je ne sais quoi to make it a place worthy of a long-term relationship?

In recent years, the Mariners have courted the likes of Mike Napoli, Nick Swisher, Prince Fielder, and Josh Hamilton, all of whom spurned the Mariners, letting them know that while they liked them, they just didn’t like them in that way.

Even when the Mariners completed a trade for Justin Upton, the slugging outfielder invoked his no trade clause, in essence saying thanks, but no thanks to the Mariners’ overtures.

Yes, the Mariners are nerds.  But make no mistake, they are in the friend zone.  And the only players that have reciprocated the same level of affection shown by the Mariners have been baseball’s version of barflys – Jack Cust, Miguel Olivo, Jason Bay, Adam Kennedy, Mike Sweeney, and Eric Byrnes to name just a few.

Fast forward to current day, and what the Mariners have seemingly figured out with their recent pursuit of Cano is that in order to get that pretty girl, the nerd has to go big and over the top.

Sure, it’s irrational.  Maybe even foolish.  But there comes a time when it becomes necessary.

I’m not sure what has led to this realization.  Maybe Jack Zduriencik spent the Thanksgiving holiday watching a marathon of 80’s teen flicks.   Maybe it was watching Eric Stoltz trading in his college savings to spend on the school’s most popular girl on the date of all dates?  Or perhaps Patrick Dempsey paying the beautiful Amanda Peterson one-thousand dollars to be his girlfriend?

In either case, the nerd went irrational, maybe even was foolish, but by doing so jettisoned himself from the geeky friend zone and catapulted himself into an aura of cool and being someone everybody wanted to hang out with.  And that, in a nutshell, is what a Cano signing would do for the Mariners.

So, Zduriencik, quit hoping the popular girl will end up liking you.  Stop settling for less simply because you are smart, awkward, unfashionable and have confidence issues.  Instead, go big and do what it takes to make that popular girl realize how cool you truly are.

Go make John Hughes proud and get yourself Robinson Cano.